Honkai Cooking Classroom (Part 1)

“I don't want to eat emergency rations anymore!!! Die die die! I'd rather chew on zombie meat than eat any more of this!!”

Kiana's complaints echoed through the empty corridor, as if she were venting all her resentment onto the compressed biscuit in her hand. She raised her arm and hurled the half-eaten biscuit far away.

“These are difficult times right now, so please bear with it...”

Mei took a sip of mineral water beside her, forcing the biscuit in her mouth down her throat.

“Bronya, say something too! We've been eating compressed rations for six months already!”

“Bronya has no requirements for food. As long as basic physiological needs are met, it's fine.”

Bronya calmly chewed her biscuit off to the side with a “crunch crunch” sound, not a hint of complaint on her face.

“AAAAH!!! I wish I could turn into a zombie girl right now! At least they get to bite people — that must taste like crispy fried chicken!”

“...Alright, let's look around for anything we could use as ingredients. As long as we have ingredients, we can cook in the cooking classroom.”

Hearing Mei's suggestion, Kiana was instantly full of energy.

“Really?! I'll go look right now!”

“Hey! Kiana! Don't run off!”

Before Mei could finish, Kiana had already sprung to her feet and dashed off. Who knew what a Kiana tormented by the demon in her stomach might do.

Watching Kiana rapidly vanish from her sight, Mei hurriedly got up to chase after her.

Crunch crunch...

Seeing her big sisters rush off in a hurry, Bronya deftly scooped up Homu, stuffed the rest of the biscuit into her mouth in one go, and chewed hard with puffed-up cheeks.

The group had only returned to the academy for the sake of Bronya's plushie, but what ingredients could possibly still be found in this desolate campus...

“This thing is edible!”

“Are you trying to die?!”

Bronya could hear Kiana and Mei arguing from far away. In the academy's central courtyard, Kiana was gripping a black tree branch while Mei desperately tried to stop her foolish behavior.

“Calm down... Let's go check the campus supermarket. There should still be usable ingredients there.”

Hearing Mei's suggestion, Kiana — whose head had been clouded by appetite — finally calmed down, nodding as she followed Mei toward the supermarket. Bronya didn't quite understand what “ingredients” referred to, but she silently followed behind them anyway.

The Senba Academy supermarket was less a supermarket and more a department store. Even after being abandoned for so long, you could still feel the former bustle of this building that once supplied daily necessities and living resources to the entire academy.

The shelves inside lay toppled every which way, with masses of merchandise scattered across the floor in a scene of desolation. The three carefully made their way between the shelves, terrified of stepping on the goods underfoot and making the slightest sound.

“As expected of the busiest place on campus... There's zombies everywhere.”

Mei quietly poked her head out from behind a collapsed shelf to survey the surroundings. Packs of zombies wandered the cluttered aisles like aunties at a wet market, and a trace of worry couldn't help but show on her face.

“The food section is right across from us. There should be plenty of usable ingredients there — maybe even canned beef... But the problem is how to lure these zombies away...”

“Canned... beef...”

Kiana lowered her head at those words, and Mei immediately noticed something off about her.

“Wait a second...”

But before Mei could finish, Kiana shot out like an arrow, sprinting madly toward the food section!

Instantly a clamor of noise rang through the whole building — Kiana charged ahead recklessly, paying no attention to the merchandise underfoot. The zombies all around heard the racket and began rapidly converging!

“Kiana! This is bad! Let's retreat first!”

Mei shouted at Kiana — she couldn't worry about anything else now. The zombies were arriving one after another, in numbers far greater than she'd imagined!

But Kiana, with her mind set entirely on canned beef, didn't hear Mei's voice at all.

“Death awaits anyone who stands in my way!”

Ignoring the massive horde of zombies blocking her way, Kiana swung the bat in her hands and charged straight into the zombie army.

With her awakening (read: hunger) gauge at MAX, Kiana not only wasn't swallowed up by the zombies — she was actually overwhelming their assault!

“Yahahaha! Shi-ne~ shi-ne~ shi-ne!!!”^[1]

Kiana's laughter rang through the entire floor as she brawled with the zombies in one big tangle. From Mei and Bronya's vantage point, Kiana's exact position could no longer be made out. All they could see were zombies flying out of the melee one after another like bowling pins...

“Kiana is terrifying.”

Even Bronya couldn't help but marvel. Kiana's combat power today was worlds apart from usual.

“Her desire for food probably unlocked her hidden potential... While Kiana has the zombies' attention, let's hurry and gather ingredients!”

Mei and Bronya skirted around the battle zone and quietly made their way to the food section. Though it was just as messy as everywhere else, the assorted materials scattered on the floor had everything you could ask for.

Mei gathered up the scattered food packages while quietly muttering to herself about what dishes these ingredients could make. Bronya, meanwhile, took the ingredients Mei handed her and carefully packed them into her backpack.

Before long, Bronya's little backpack was stuffed full of vacuum-sealed foods, seasonings, and canned goods. Only when nothing more could fit into the backpack did Mei finally stand up, a thoroughly satisfied look on her face.

“I didn't expect there to be so many ingredients here~ Looks like we can make quite a few tasty dishes~”

“Mhm~ Bronya doesn't know what Mei onee-chan is going to make, but Bronya is very much looking forward to it.”

Bronya shouldered the bulging backpack, which by now was nearly as tall as she was — from a distance, it looked like she was carrying a small mountain. Yet Bronya showed not the slightest sign of strain, walking as steadily as ever.

“Bronya, you're amazing~”

“Mei onee-chan flatters me. Back in training, the loads we carried were far heavier than this.”

“Mhm~ Bronya really is remarkable~”

Mei patted Bronya's head, and the two left the supermarket laughing together. Along the way, Mei kept introducing cooking knowledge to Bronya, and although Bronya didn't really understand, she kept nodding along, listening earnestly to her big sister's explanations.

“Ah...”

Suddenly, Mei stopped in her tracks as if remembering something. She glanced back at the department store now far behind them, an awkward look crossing her face...

At that very moment, inside the Senba department store, Kiana stood on a floor wrecked beyond recognition. She lifted her head, took a deep breath, raised the can of beef in her hand high above her head, and let out a victorious roar...

Honkai Cooking Classroom (Part 2)

The Senba Academy activities building — a facility housing all sorts of indoor activity rooms and home economics classrooms. This time's destination, the cooking classroom, was on the second floor of this building.

“This is the place~ Let me see...”

Mei inspected the cookware and stoves. Though a thick layer of dust had settled on their surfaces, thankfully nothing was missing or damaged.

“All the cookware is still usable — how lucky. Then let's get started right away~”

“What are we making?!”

Kiana leaned in excitedly, eyes sparkling, staring fixedly at the ingredients spread across the table.

“Let me see... First, let's make omurice~”

“Omurice... what's that?”

Now Bronya gathered around too.

“It goes like this — first cook the rice... then heat the pan over here, and pour the beaten egg in evenly... When the edges start turning white but the middle isn't fully set, stop heating... place the rice we just made onto the egg...”

Mei worked with practiced ease, while Bronya watched Mei onee-chan's culinary magic without blinking.

“Finally, wrap the rice up in the egg. The key point is the angle of the wrap — that's how you get the perfect shape~ Then draw something cute on it with ketchup and it's done~”

“Mei onee-chan is amazing~”

Looking at the golden, adorable omurice on the table, a deep sense of reverence welled up in Bronya's heart.

“Well then, time to dig in!”

Just as Bronya was gazing upon the omurice with a heart full of veneration, Kiana carved a gaping hole into the plump omurice with her spoon!

“Mei onee-chan's omurice has been...”

“Hm? What's wrong, Bronya? Aren't you going to eat... Whoa!?”

Kiana suddenly sensed a killing intent from Bronya unlike anything she'd ever felt before.

“Daring to destroy the sacred omurice made by Mei onee-chan — unforgivable!”

Seeing Kiana and Bronya at daggers drawn, Mei hurriedly set down her cooking.

“Bronya, omurice is made to be eaten, you know~ Here~ Say aah~~”

Mei scooped up a spoonful of omurice and brought it to Bronya's lips. Bronya hesitated for a moment, then slightly opened her mouth.

“Ah...!? This taste... it's delicious.”

“Right~?”

“Hey! Wait! Why does senpai get to personally feed Bronya!”

Watching the two acting so close, Kiana puffed up her cheeks in displeasure.

“Then I'll keep cooking~”

As the ingredients on the table gradually dwindled, one delicious dish after another arrived on the table.

The main course was nikujaga — braised pork and potatoes — with chawanmushi steamed from chicken and shiitake mushrooms as a side dish, paired with miso soup with salmon, and finally almond tofu for dessert.

Mei's superb cooking skills transformed compressed rations and canned goods into all kinds of delectable dishes.

“All done~ Cooking really is such a joy~”

Looking at the dazzling spread of dishes on the table, Mei nodded in satisfaction.

By now Kiana's eyes had gone wide, like a starving wolf eyeing a lamb.

“Well~ Everyone, dig in~ No need to hold back~”

The moment Mei finished speaking, Kiana began wolfing everything down without a second's delay. Bronya also summoned her mech and seized several dishes for herself. Before Mei could even lift her chopsticks, half the dishes on the table were already gone...

“I said no need to hold back, but at least leave some for me!!!”

“Phew~ I'm stuffed. It's been so long since I've eaten anything this good~”

After the whirlwind feast, the dishes on the table had all become empty plates. Kiana sat off to the side, let out a long breath, and rubbed her round belly.

“There are still some ingredients left — why don't we make bento boxes to take with us~”

Mei stood at the cooking station, sorting through the remaining ingredients.

“Hehe! Leave it to me~ I'll show you my cooking skills!”

“Mm~ I've always wanted to try a dish made by Kiana's own hands~ Then it's all yours.”

Seeing Kiana brimming with confidence, Mei felt a little flicker of anticipation in her heart too.

“Hmm... these are the ingredients we have. What should I make...”

Kiana started to ponder, but after a moment she gave her head a carefree shake, as if giving up on thinking altogether.

“Meh~ Just throw everything in~ Add some salt, add some sugar... hmm hmm♪~”

Humming an off-key little tune, Kiana cheerfully tossed whatever ingredients were within reach into the pot.

Meanwhile, Mei was off to the side with Bronya tidying up the scattered tableware, and didn't notice what Kiana was doing.

“Oh, there's even cream! In it all goes — then stir it up and add some cocoa powder♪”

As more ingredients went in, the broth in the pot rose nearly to the brim... and its color slowly shifted to an eerie blackish-purple. The broth boiled up in the pot, belching enormous bubbles like magma, thick black smoke bursting out with each popping bubble.

“Bronya... do you smell something strange...”

Mei, cleaning up nearby, couldn't help pinching her nose — only then did she notice an ominous aura wafting over from the direction of the cooking station...

“Mm, a truly nostalgic smell — just like the mix of machine oil and sulfuric compounds that filled the machinery workshop back then,” Bronya said with a nod.

Braving the acrid stench, Mei came up beside Kiana. She was about to say something when the billowing black smoke set her off into a fit of sneezes.

“Don't rush me, Mei-senpai~ It's almost done!”

Kiana stirred the chaotic pot while grinning at Mei as if nothing were wrong at all.

“Hmm... feels like it's still missing something. Oh! Let's add some Lao Gan Ma~”

With that, Kiana dumped an entire jar of chili sauce into the pot — and instantly, like burning sulfur, a plume of dark red flame erupted from within!

Mei looked at the “dish” bubbling viscously in the pot with a complicated expression. She didn't want to hurt Kiana's feelings, but for the sake of her own life, she absolutely had to find a way to dispose of this hazardous material that had long since left the realm of food!

“Kiana, run! Look — a huge horde of zombies is charging this way!”

In a flash of inspiration, Mei lied about a zombie attack, grabbed Kiana's hand, and sprinted out of the cooking classroom.

“Wah! Stop dragging me! It's not finished yet!”

Kiana struggled, reaching back longingly toward her beloved dish, but Mei gave her no chance for lingering attachment — she flashed Bronya a “finish it” signal.

Bronya understood at once. With a wave of one hand she summoned her mech and ordered it to open fire on that dangerous pot of “cuisine.” The laser cannon on the mech's back flared with blinding light, heat waves engulfed the entire cooking classroom, and that pot of dark cuisine was swallowed up in the brilliance of explosion and flame...

“What a shame we didn't get to taste Kiana's cooking. It's alright — there'll be other chances!” Mei consoled Kiana, while secretly breathing a sigh of relief inside.

Meanwhile, Kiana knelt outside the activities building, watching the cooking classroom blaze away as heartbroken tears streamed down her face...